Here at la Maison de la Kiki, we like to eat eyeballs.
Delicious, delicious eyeballs.
We even have a special eyeball bowl specially designed for eyeballs, so much is our love for eyeballs.
If you like eyeballs as much as we do, you can buy them by the bagful at fine retailers near you!
In other news, it was brought to my attention, by my keenly observant mother, that a grasshopper and I were wearing the same outfit.
Today I’m going to share one of my secret recipes! I perfected the recipe last July, and I daresay I’ve made it many times since. The process is simple, and you probably already have all of the ingredients on hand!
Ingredients
Easy and delicious, with no cooking required! You don’t have to fuss with the stove, the oven, or even the microwave. It takes almost no time to whip up a whole batch of these for company! The recipe is also very adaptable. I’ve even made these lollypops using Nutella and frosting!
Honestly, the hardest part is eating just one. Handy tip: since I share this peanut butter with other people, I use a clean spoon each time. However, if you live alone, feel free to double, triple, or quadruple dip!
For more delicious recipes, you may want to try my show-stopping Toll House Cookie Stick or my famous Potato Chip Sandwich!
Yesterday, Alan and I checked out the Asian grocery that opened near his house. It’s impressively large and has a whole AISLE devoted to sugar!
We obtained blueberry mochi cakes, strawberry gummies, strawberry cream-filled biscuits with koalas printed on them, strawberry cream-filled biscuits with pandas printed on them (for comparative purposes), mango pudding, lemon chewies, and a pair of frog chopsticks!
Unpictured: the fancy soup spoon Alan bought.
I can’t wait until we go back so we can buy mochi ice cream and sesame dumplings!!!
How to transform something icky into something delicious:
I don’t drink beer, but somehow through the magic of heat and science, a kind of icky beverage metamorphizes into a dense, moist bread!
The recipe I followed came from Farmgirl Fare, partially because I’m a wannabe farmgirl at heart, and partially because she only uses a tablespoon of sugar instead of half a cup! I made it with half wheat flour for extra health points.
Get your beer on! You’ll need:
A bottle of beer
3 cups of flour (I used 1.5 cups whole wheat flour and 1.5 cups unbleached all-purpose flour)
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1 Tbsp. sugar
1 tsp. salt
{Fresh dill}
{Leftover shredded cheddar}
Bake it on up in a greased loaf pan at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. I also followed Farmgirl’s tip and brushed on a glaze (1 egg + 2 teaspoons of water) for a crusty finish. The link to her site includes some delicious flavor variations.
End result: The house smelled FANTASTIC while it was baking. It’s a little drier than I expected, but I think that’s due to the wheat flour substitution. I’ve never really made bread before, and now I’m all revved up to get bakin’! Eat and be merry!
I have a tub of leftover strawberry frosting in the fridge.
I also have spoons.
Uh oh.
Raisins and yogurt. How much healthier can you get?
One handful begets another handful begets another…
And then you read the ingredients and discover that these healthy little nuggets– vitamins, really– are primarily made of sugar. And you keep eating them, because they are amazing. And soon you feel kind of ICKY because you’re SO FULL of yogurt-covered raisins. But they’re so GOOD. But you feel slightly sickened. So you stop and promise to remember this feeling and never eat them again. The next day, you resist them repeatedly, despite several trips to the kitchen. Until finally you succumb at 9:00 p.m. and find yourself in another yogurt-covered raisin stupor, whining on your blog.
Yogurt-covered raisins. They’ve destroyed LIVES.
But I’m still going to go get just a few more.
Edited to add: Ughhhhhhhhh.
Happiness is…
… a UPS delivery of handmade truffles from your personal chocolatier!
If you have a Trader Joe’s within a 50 mile radius, you might not want to read this post.
Because if you do, you will have access to legal crack cocaine, and you may never live a normal life again.
This here is some good shiznit. Note:
Toffee
Espresso
Dark Chocolate
This little tin, innocent though it may seem, will lure you in with its siren call. You peel off the plastic, pop the lid, and plan to eat “just a few.” “Just a few” turns to ten, which quickly turns to twenty. Before you know it, the tin is empty and your belly is filled with crunchy toffeed espresso bits covered in dark chocolate. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
They’re so tiny that you don’t get too worried until you realize your “just one more” or “okay, two more” has become a full-fledged sugar rampage.
I finally had to hide the bits that were left under three boxes of green tea, but I don’t think that will really stop me. I might need an intervention.
Generally speaking, I’d say I’m relatively in touch with my hippie side. I recycle religiously. I air dry most of my clothes. I unplug my electronics. I love wheat germ and oat bran. I even tried to eat a hemp dinner roll once, but it was so bad that we threw the whole batch out the window for the birds.*
HOWEVER. There is one hippie thing that fills me with unreasonable RAGE. It’s the kind of anti-hippie fury that makes me wonder if I was a Republican in a former life.
Açaí berries.
Oh, sure, they have a bunch of cool accent marks. And yeah, Oprah pimps them. But to me, they represent all that is unholy about the health food movement. TRENDY FRUITS! Foods should not be trendy! Foods should not need celebrity endorsements! Foods should not be added to other foods for the sole purpose of making health claims!
Between açaí and goji** berries, I’m at my wits’ end. If I ever see a box of Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries proclaim “Now with Açaí!,” I might grab the nearest box cutter and hack up the entire cereal aisle.
* Birds won’t touch hemp rolls, either.
** Heh, heh. Turns out goji berries are really called WOLFBERRIES. Not so cool now, are you, WOLFberries? Actually, I take that back. I’d totally go for something called a wolfberry.
