What I should be doing:

• Unpacking my suitcase
• Cleaning
• Exercising

What I’m doing instead:

• Lounging in my pajamas under fleece sheets
• Drinking Coke Zero
• Boldly going where no Internaut has gone before

I’m officially throwing in the towel. I hate to give up too early, because my surrender means I’ve resigned myself to at least 5 months of chilly despair. However, I just can’t take it any more. I’m busting out the electric blanket.

The good news is, I looooooooove my electric blanket. Love love love love love it. I love it so much I want to marry it. It’s the absolute only consolation in these bitter winter months. I jump in my ‘jammies, crank the blanket up to HI, and settle in for roasty, toasty coziness.

I bake like a hot potato for awhile, until I feel the hypothermia wear off, and then I lower it down to the pretty-toasty-but-not-quite-roasty level of 13. In fact, as much as I love it when spring comes, I feel 2% disappointed that I have to pack that lovely blanket away. And then I remember that it’s FUCKING SPRING and I’m ecstatic and I shed that motherfucker like my tortie cat sheds dandruff.

Oops. Seasonal Tourette’s.

Why Alan’s Cats Aren’t Good Yoga Assistants

My dog is currently grateful that he’s 70 lbs of big dog muscle. I’m armed with yarn and Lion Brand patterns for little doggie outfits! If only I could stuff him into these hilarious coats!

The real reason my dog should thank his lucky stars:

In general, I think I’m relatively practical. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not going to be President of the United States, a world-renowned actress, a professional athlete, or the greatest mind of the 21st century. I know it’s not in the cards for me to buy an island, drive a Ferrari, or own a unicorn. (Although, truth be told, I still haven’t given up hope that I’ll someday have my own cooking show on Food Network, despite the fact that my idea of cooking currently involves frozen meals and a microwave. A girl’s gotta dream.)

HOWEVER, when it comes to crafting, all bets are off. Innocently perusing the 746.43s at the library, I came across a book with surprisingly good projects.

Fully Woolly may be a kiddie book, but it reignited a flame in the forgotten embers of my heart. It reminded me of my fascination with FELTED BEADS!

Naturally, I began searching the interwebs for a good source for wool roving, the critical component in any bead felting endeavor. Thus begat a series of daydreams that escalated exponentially.

Kiki: I’m going to buy some roving and start making beads!
Kiki: I’m going to love making beads so much that I’m going to start giving handmade necklaces to all of my loved ones!
Kiki: I’m going to need to mix my own colors pretty soon, so I’m going to start dyeing my own roving with Kool-Aid!
Kiki: My hand-dyed roving is going to be so awesome that I’m going to start spinning my own yarn!!!

Mark my words. By 2009’s end, I shall have spent hundreds of dollars on my soon-to-be-forgotten felted-beads-phase.

But can you blame me? FELTED BEADS!!!!!!!

Things that will make you totally intolerable to your loved ones:

• Dieting
• Grad School
• All-consuming obsession with latest hobby, and inability to talk about anything else

Guilty on all three counts.

The Internet is truly a wondrous place, for where else can one find such a fine selection of t-shirts featuring kittens with laser beam eyes?

Well done, Threadless and DesignByHumans.