Dear Turkey Hill,

Out of curiosity, how do you manufacture crack so inexpensively? Your Light Chocolate Nutty Moose Tracks ice cream is so addictive, I can only imagine that there are miniature cocaine rocks embedded in the peanut butter cups. I think your product should be sold as a controlled substance.

Love,
Kiki

Things I did today instead of doing research for my paper:

• Made a crazy egg scramble (a handful of baby carrots, a tomato, half an onion, and 5 egg whites. INSANITY!)
• Laid in bed and drooled over cookbooks
• Baked Banana Blueberry Applesauce Walnut muffins*
• Cleaned my desk to clear space to actually do some WORK!
• Organized my millions of to-do lists into several to-do lists
• Impulse bought orange gummi bear earrings
• Remembered I had a website and decided to post this newsbreaking update

Edited to add:

• Made and drank tea (Bigelow Vanilla Caramel. Ehh. Had to try it, though.)
• Read reviews on frozen dinners at iateapie.net and heateatreview.com
• Updated this page again to reflect these thrilling developments

I should finish this brassel frassel degree so I can do these activities legitimately instead of furtively.

*For the muffins, I modded the Banana Muffins II recipe that the cool kids are making. These are fruitier and lower fat:

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3 large bananas, mashed
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce (Instead of the butter in the recipe. The applesauce I found in our fridge was cranberry +fiber applesauce, but it turned out fine. Technically, I guess these are Banana Blueberry Cranberry Applesauce Walnut muffins)
A small handful of whatever random blueberries you can find in the fridge
1/4 cup chopped walnuts for luck

1. Set the oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Mix everything together (preferrably dry stuff separately from wet stuff, and then slowly combine it all).
3. Divide the delicious batter in a paper-lined muffin tray. You’ll be able to fill 12 compartments.
4. Bake for 25-30 minutes. “Muffins will spring back when lightly tapped.”
5. Gorge on delicious, warm, fresh muffins!

My scientific analysis indicates that each of the 12 muffins contain 166.2 calories, 2.4g fat (mostly from the walnuts), 17.7mg cholesterol, 250.5mg sodium, 34.5g carbs, 1.7g fiber, and 2.9g protein. They’re a little gooshy inside and taste like banana bread.