Yesterday we went to the orchid show. Every time we go, I’m amazed by the incredible variety in these floral superstars.

I have a special fondness for the evil looking ones with dark petals, hairy moles, and slimy interiors, like the last one.

Some look like little people.

At the end, I busted out the macro lens (Raynox DCR-250), but since I didn’t have a tripod, most of the photos were pretty blurry. Up close, orchid petals shimmer.

Macro photography is always surprising. Ugly things often look beautiful when magnified, and beautiful things, like these orchids, reveal a more sinister side. Check out how hairy and slimy orchids really are!

Best use for 2 minutes of your day:

Today we were admiring delicious modern lighting (like Tech Lighting’s “Galaxy,”

and don’t even get me started on Rody Graumans’s “85 lamps,” which I fantasized about when I noticed something similar in the store.

85 hanging light bulbs! God, I love lights.) at a lighting store, and we saw a cool pendant featuring a steel pincer clutching an amber glass ball.

“It also comes in blue,” the shopkeep* explained, “but Kid Rock bought all the ones we had in stock.”

Thanks a lot, Kid Rock. I hope you’re ENJOYING OUR LAMPS.

* Incredible idea as of 5 seconds ago: from now on, please find occasion to use the term “shopkeep” at every available opportunity. There are no more clerks, there are only shopkeeps. With your help, we can usher in a shopkeep renaissance!

Other breaking news on the home front:

You know those Dyson vacuum cleaner ads? Where James Dyson very convincingly explains that his vacuum is superior because unlike other vacuums, “it doesn’t lose suction”? Nor does it use pesky replaceable bags, filters, belts, etc.?

ALL LIES! We were shopping for a vacuum today, and when I asked the shopkeep about the Dyson, he revealed the conspiracy. First of all, no vacuums lose suction. They all suck, quite consistently. What they start to lose is AIRFLOW, the actual power of drawing air in, and the Dyson is not so hot in that department.

Secondly, although the Dyson doesn’t have a bag, it DOES take filters. Sure, the vacuum says “Lifetime HEPA filter,” but lifetime is one of those mysterious undefinable concepts. Lifetime of what? Not the vacuum, because you’re supposed to change the filters every 12 months.

Lastly, you can’t buy replaceable $3 belts for the Dyson, but when a belt breaks, you CAN buy a $40 replacement part that contains the belts.

I felt it my duty to spread the word, because I know I’ve been suckered** in by the ads. I wanted to believe good ol’ Jim, with his authoritative British accent. He’s one ingenious business man! Dude’s got skills!

** No pun, etc.

I have what you might call a crafting perversion. Whenever I see something cool and handmade I think to myself, “Oh I could do that.” I study it a little longer and think, “Not only could I do that, but I could pick my own colors and do it better.” I don’t know where this confidence comes from, but it’s completely unfounded, has little basis in reality, and persists in the face of frequent failures.

This can-do attitude has landed me in a heap of trouble on numerous occasions. Not only do I want something custom-made, I figure I’ll save money by doing the labor myself. So while I might balk at the price of a beautiful, professionally-crafted piece, I have no problem spending three times as much money on the supplies to make my own. How this saves me money, I have yet to figure out. While my perma-student status has made me somewhat stingy frugal, I have this mental loophole where I can shell out lots of money on supplies, because hey! I’m saving money by making it myself!

I gather the supplies, tucking them into my little magpie nest, gazing lovingly at them. Unused, they’re so perfect and pristine, practically quivering with the promise of limitless potential. I don’t use them. I wait for my Big Idea, the most perfect and sacred use for these raw materials, their ultimate realization. Anything less would be profane.

So I stockpile supplies like a paranoid schizophrenic preparing for the apocalypse. I have a lot of supplies. And no finished projects. But I’m learning skills! Right? So I continue!

Anyway, my latest favorite hobby ever until I buy all the supplies and leave it for dead is LAMPWORKING. Lampworking is basically the BEST THING EVER (at the moment). Lampworking came about because I found a pair of earrings I really liked, but they were $40. Oh no! $40! Instead of supporting an independent artist who has spent years honing her craft, I could take a class and learn the technique for $50. $40 for earrings or $50 for a class? Teach a man to fish and all that jazz, you know. So a $50 class and a $150 beginner’s kit later, I’m learning how to MELT GLASS with a TORCH and make FABULOUS BEADS. It’s really quite exciting.

Today my mom and I took the class, and it turns out that this whole lampworking thing isn’t quite as easy as it looked online. I spent all week reading websites about lampworking, and watching this particularly exciting video, but like usual, my book-learnin’ doesn’t seem to transfer to any sort of practical skill. Let’s just say I have the coordination and motor skills of the average kindergartner.

Regardless, we had a good time, enough to want to do it again. My mom definitely had more of a knack for it, but she’s always been the one who could throw a perfect vase on the potter’s wheel and knit an intricate sweater, while my feeble attempts at pottery wouldn’t even work as ashtrays, and you’d probably burn yourself if you tried to use anything I’ve knitted as a potholder.

The two beads I attempted that didn’t break.

My mom’s much more successful attempts.

So! Any day now I’ll be posting handmade-by-me beads that are far more beautiful than anything you could buy in a store. But, uh… I wouldn’t hold my breath. Maybe I should just buy those earrings.

A Phone Conversation
cupCAKE: I brought up the Puppy Bowl in class today.
Kiki: I can’t believe you didn’t know what it was. Neither did Alan! What’s wrong with you people?
cupCAKE: So this girl in my class mentioned how when she’s sad, she looks at cute animal pictures to cheer her up.
Kiki: You don’t?
cupCAKE: You do?
Kiki: I can’t believe you don’t!
cupCAKE: So anyway, I told her she should go to Cute Overload next time she needs to get her cute animal fix.
Kiki: She didn’t know about Cute Overload?!
cupCAKE: No.
Kiki: I can’t believe you don’t look at pictures of cute animals when you’re sad, and I can’t believe that someone who does doesn’t know about Cute Overload.

What is this world coming to?! Before we go any further, I need to know where we stand:

Meow
Do you search for pictures of cute animals on the Internet?
	No, I’m weird like that.	1
	All the time!	0
	When I’m sad.	0
	All the time, but especially when I’m sad.	1
	This Poll by kikisdemolition
Click here to view current results

Subtle Difference
cupCAKE: This guy I work with is pretty cute.
Kiki: Really?
cupCAKE: Yeah, except I think he’s married.
Kiki: Then he’s way too old for you anyway.
cupCAKE: I can appreciate him aesthetically, though.
Kiki: Let me look him up online. Maybe he has a website! With photos!
cupCAKE: I could just take a cell phone picture of him.
Kiki: No! That would be stalking!

For the third year in a row, my mom and I have shared a Superbowl tradition. Some people wait for the ads, other people pig out on the munchies, and the vast minority watch football. We do something different. Every year we tune in to the Puppy Bowl.

It occurs to me that some of you (bless your poor hearts!) may never have heard of the Puppy Bowl. The Puppy Bowl, you see, is the superior alternative to watching the Superbowl. Every year, Animal Planet fills a miniature stadium with adorable puppies who gallop, frolick, wrestle, lick, and otherwise look adorable. For three continuous hours, you get to watch puppy-on-puppy action, with occasional instant replays. My personal favorite part of the Puppy Bowl is the Bowl Cam. Every now and then, they switch to a camera planted in the bottom of the water bowl, and you get to watch from below as little pink tongues lap the water and little paws step in it. It’s pretty much the greatest experience ever. (Videos!)

This year, I’m rooting for the painfully cute Samoyed, who looks like a cotton ball with eyes. Go cheer Bomber on, and cast your vote for the Most Valuable Puppy!

I’m proud to say that I’ve been there for Puppy Bowls I, II, and III. If you’re tired of watching a bunch of neanderthals standing around in the rain with their hands on their hips, switch over to Animal Planet. You can thank me later!

I can’t wait until the Kitten Half-time Show!

kiki: eeeeeeeeee harry potter 7 comes out july 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cupCAKE: harry potter?
cupCAKE: i don’t want it to end!!!!!!
cupCAKE: i hope she writes MORE
cupCAKE: more more more
kiki:
cupCAKE: this is why i don’t do drugs
kiki: hahaha
cupCAKE: because i’m the type
cupCAKE: who would get ADDICTED
kiki: me too
kiki: i think if i start drinking
kiki: i would be an alcoholic the next day
kiki: not only do i have an addictive personality, i also have OCD, and a need to feel a sense of completion
kiki: so i’d be all “THIS BOTTLE HAS 3 SHOTS LEFT I NEED TO EMPTY IT”
cupCAKE: so you would have to drink the whole bottle huh?
cupCAKE: it’s the same with my video class
cupCAKE: i’m ocd about it
cupCAKE: and i keep capturing more and more
cupCAKE: like that’s why i think we’re similar
cupCAKE: when we get into hobbies we’ll shell out lotsa money on our interests
cupCAKE: because of our addicting personalities

cupCAKE: this girl to my left has her headphones on and my professor is still talking
cupCAKE: and i’m talking to you
cupCAKE: i wonder what everyone else is doing as he talks
cupCAKE: i was also watching a youtube video
kiki: hahahahaha
kiki: so naughty
cupCAKE: i knowwwww
kiki: don’t giggle audibly though! don’t type too loudly!
cupCAKE: but your personality is so addicting

Someday I would love to go to Morocco. Although the architecture would be completely fascinating and gorgeous and thrilling, particularly all of those fantastic archways (insert swoon, hello!), I have a way tackier reason than that. Dude, I want to go shopping.

Can you imagine the awesome stuff you could get in Morocco? I’d be all over those sexalicious glass lanterns, and I’d quickly run out of limbs and earlobes to armor plate in silver jewelry. Plus you could totally buy beaded slippers. I mean, JESUS, it’s a shopping mecca.*

* How completely sacrilegious is it to use the words “Jesus” and “mecca” in the same sentence, and not even be talking about religion? Consumerism is my god.

As some travel research, I thought I’d better make sure that my fantasies of Moroccan goods matched the reality. I studiously searched “Moroccan jewelry,” and found that yes, I’d be able to buy EVERYTHING EVER MADE. There’s pretty much not a pair of earrings I wouldn’t buy from this purveyor of Moroccan bling. Look at all of the colorful, beautiful things at a souk. MAN.

I haven’t read much of it yet, but I’m looking forward to drooling over this Moroccan blog. Lots of gorgeous pictures of interiors and cultural stuff.

There’s one major problem with my dream. I don’t do couscous. :-/