Dearest Netflix,

     Have you been doing something new with your font? Is that a new shade of red you’re wearing? You look ravishing tonight. When was the last time I told you that I love you?

     Ever since I finished binge-watching seasons 1-2 of Arrested Development, I’ve been counting the days until season 3 would debut on DVD and find its way into my hot little hands. Today was the big release date, and I thought if I was lucky, and you saw the open spot on my queue, and you liked what you saw, that maybe, just maybe, you’d ship it today and I’d receive it tomorrow.

     But I was wrong, Netflix. I was very wrong. Can you imagine my surprise when I rifled through the mail and saw your crimson missive of love? It trembled in my hands, and I eagerly tore through the seal (sealed with a kiss, no doubt), and a crisp new Arrested Development: Season 3: Disc 1: Episodes 1-7 sleeve fell into my palm. Brand new. Never been watched. You knew how much I wanted this, Netflix, and you cared enough to send it yesterday, blinded by love and willing to bend the rules just this once. You know what I like, and how I want it.

     I won’t forget this, Netflix. I know Alan has said horrible, traitorous things about trying Blockbuster. I want you to know, Netflix, that I’ll never stray. It’s me and you, baby. Thank you for making my media dreams come true.

With a heart full of love,
Kiki

Since my last YouTube production was so critically acclaimed, I thought I’d post another one from today:

I can’t wait to see my Google hits this month!

Today, cupCAKE helped make one of my summer dreams come true. For months, I’ve been obsessed with the gravel pit not far from our new house. Every day we drive by and I catch glimpses of a gaping hole in the earth, like the ruins of a forgotten civilization. The fleeting vistas taunted me, and I soon realized that I couldn’t live another day without exploring the mysteries therein.

Plus, I’m a fan of bigass machines.

cupCAKE was up to the challenge and we set sail, a modern day Vasco Da Gamma and Ferdinand Magellan, armed only with megapixels and optical zooms. After bravely ignoring the PRIVATE PROPERTY NO TRESPASSING sign, we were in!

For your viewing pleasure, I present my YouTube directorial debut: THE GRAVEL PIT. A play in three acts.

A Phone Conversation
“I just got my hair dyed and I look like Bozo the CLOWN!”
“You always hate your hair for the first few days after you dye it. Then you like it.”
“Yeah, but it’s the color of straw. I look like a scarecrow!”
“Good! I constantly have crows landing on my back!”

Anticipating how frequently used this phrase will be, I’ve created a new acronym.

TIIHIWTMFSOTMFP

“That’s it! I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”

Please use it at your convenience. I know it will save me a lot of time.

So Alan emails me this incomprehensible picture:

kikis demolition: what is that?
kikis demolition: hahaha “Gel-filled bras and similar prosthetics” are allowed on planes
kikis demolition: i think it would be funny if they told someone “Sorry ma’am, but you’re either going to have to take that gel-filled bra off, or not fly.”
kikis demolition: you can bring cigar cutters, corkscrews, and cuticle cutters, but not gel deodorant?!
alan: the picture
alan: is of william Riker from star trek
alan: aka Jonathan Frakes
alan: and the state he is above
alan: is the state of Maine
alan: so one could call that picture ‘Frakes on a Maine’
kikis demolition: interesting
alan: you mean HILARIOUS

Hilarious. Huh. Okay, whoever Jonathan Frakes is, he’s no comparison for my homemade contributions. I present to you, in homage of the best motion picture ever made:

Drakes on a Pane

Flakes on a Rain

And my personal favorite: Cakes on a Vein

I could definitely go for some cakes on my vein right about now.

I’d just like to take the time to welcome the individuals who found this site by searching the following:

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What a fitting summary of this site!